It's the taking part that counts. Up to a point.

There was a story in the news recently about a kids football manager who was asked to step down because he sent an email to players parents saying that those who didn't come up to scratch won't be getting a game and may wish to find other sports. 'Political correctness gone mad' said some. I sympathised with the (now ex-) manager.

My son is now 12 and plays for an under 13s football team. He's been playing since the under 7's. At that age they play 'mini soccer', which to us adults is 6-a-side football.

In those early days every team member got an equal amount of game time whatever their ability with a ball. Even at that young age you can see which kids are more natural with a ball or more athletically inclined. Equally, you can tell those kids who have two left feet even though they're right footed. But the focus is on getting the kids doing something, rather than winning matches. And that, at the time, seemed to be the right approach.

Fast forward 2 seasons. The kids have never won a match. They've nearly won. They've scraped the odd draw. But they've never won. They trudge off the pitch, heads hanging. Yes, they're all getting to play football but it's difficult to see what else they're getting. What exactly is it they're learning? That hard work and being part of a team gets you nowhere? That, no matter how hard you try, you're getting the same amount of game time as everyone else, including those that don't apply themselves? That it's pointless spending hours honing your skills in the back garden because you'll still be replaced by someone who appears to only turn up because their parents bring them?

What is it we want our kids to get from playing sports? I'll tell you what I want my son to get because they're the same things that playing sports has given me;

• Exercise is good for you. Much better than sitting watching TV or playing video games.
• Being good at something is good for your confidence and self esteem.
• Trying hard for your team is a selfless act. Particularly when you play in positions that don't offer as many opportunities to be the bringer of glory. (Fellow full backs of the world, I salute you). Giving that feels good. Being part of something bigger than you as an individual feels good.
• Making a commitment to the team and turning up for training and matches requires self discipline. As does controlling your emotions on the pitch.
• Your team will be made up of players from differing backgrounds. You'll learn to get on with most of them, most of the time. Some will become friends for life.
• You will lose even when you've tried your hardest and played your best.
• When you try your hardest and play your best you have more chance of winning.
• Winning isn't everything but it feels great. Sharing those moments with your mates in the team feels great.

All these things translate into everyday life.

So back to my sons team. The managers realised the constant losing was not good for the kids confidence, and is not a good way to retain players. So they started giving the better kids more game time and rotating the kids with slightly less ability. Everyone still got game time. But the team started getting better. And eventually, over 2 years after starting, they won a match. And everyone was delirious with joy. Including the kids who didn't get as much game time. It was still THEIR team that won, and they were a part of it. And those kids started playing better because their confidence was boosted and they wanted to get more game time now there was the possibility of a victory. In the following 3 years they gained at least one promotion and won a cup competition.

So what's the right approach? I suppose it's down to individual clubs to decide what they can offer to the communities in which they're based. If I was running a club I'd encourage an approach similar to what happened organically in my sons team.

The younger teams should be more about introducing kids to playing sport and giving them a focus outside of school and home. But we eventually need to start preparing them for real life. As working adults we don't get recognised just for 'taking part' in something for which we are clearly not cut out. We get paid for using our skills to deliver results.

There is a certain amount of natural selection as kids get older. Kids are bright enough to realise their record on FIFA14 is not translating to actual grass. And eventually even the most blinkered of parent will realise their little genius may be better off doing something else. For those that remain, the focus must be on hard work, developing their skills, and trying to win.